Well...crap (potty humor for a potty post)

I saw the physician's assistant for the gastroenterologist I've chosen. She was kind, and not rushed, and agrees I need a colonoscopy for diagnostic, rather than screening, reasons. I'm booked. For July 7. That's nearly two months from now.

She didn't talk about cancer, but she did say that there were different flavors of colitis that could cause mild iron deficiency. Okay. I know. Let's not put the cart before the horse, etc.  But still.

Here are the symptoms of colon cancer, according to "Colon & Rectal Cancer: From Diagnosis to Treatment, 3rd ed., by Paul Ruggieri, M.D., and Arti Lakhani, M.D.

1. Fatigue caused by iron deficiency anemia.  CHECK. 

2. Change in bowel habits. CHECK.

3. Rectal bleeding. NO.

4. Chronic abdominal pain, bloating, or fullness. CHECK (bloating & fullness)

5. Painful urge to have a bowel movement. NO.

6. Decreased appetite or unintended weight loss. NO--BUT--I started a new weight loss regime, just cutting calories a little, and was shocked by the rapid change on the scale.

Here are the symptoms of colitis, according to MayoClinic.org

1. Diarrhea, often with blood or pus. (yes to diarrhea, no to blood/pus)

2. Abdominal pain and cramping. NO.

3. Rectal pain. NO.

4. Rectal bleeding. NO.

5. Urgency to defecate. Maybe.

6. Inability to defecate despite urgency (no, at least not until the iron pills!)

7. Weight loss. (Maybe--see above)

8. Fatigue. CHECK.

Now colitis is no walk in the park, it seems, and in severe cases, people do end up with colostomies.  I really, really want to avoid a colostomy, so I'm not "hoping for colitis" or the misery that illness portends. But another way to end up with a colostomy is to have your colon cancer spread undetected for a while. 

The physician's assistant suggested Benefiber, because Metamucil gave me diarrhea. Okay, I tried it. First day, I tried the normal dose. 18 hours later, diarrhea. So I waited until that afternoon, and took a half dose. 18 hours later, the worst diarrhea of my life. So I guess I'll just have to suffer constipation on the iron supplements until oh, sometime late this summer when the medical system can spare the time to do a colonoscopy and figure out if I have a terminal disease or not.

Ever have a dream where you call 911 and you get put on hold forever? Or some disaster is unfolding and your feet move like you're in deep sand?

Fine. I'm just going to wait while all these people who were too frightened to get their 10 year colonoscopy done during 2020 get in front of me.